Today is the first day of the rest of my life

Weight: 227
I feel that I did really good today. I woke up early enough to go for a delightful 40 minute walk around the neighborhood. It had been raining and so everything smelled so fresh and wonderful! I wished that I had more time to do so because it was so pleasant.

Lately I've had a hard time not eating junk food. I finally went to Costco and bought a bunch of stuff to keep me from doing so. Frozen chicken breast, string cheese, fruit and a big ole thing of spinach. I had eggs with turkey bacon and chopped tomato for breakfast. A delicious turkey sandwich with spinach, sprouts and tomato for lunch. Dinner included 1/4 chicken breast, 2 baby reds and 2 small pieces of sourdough toast with jam (mmmm desert). Not uber healthy but definitely not fast food. I drank more water today than usual and didn't have any super sweets. I'm feeling pretty good about that. One step at a time right?

Time to stop being fat.

I have reached a point where I need to stop making excuses and start really working to lose weight again. I weigh the same as I did five months ago. Somehow I must convince myself that sugar and deep fried foods are poisonous. Surely that will prevent me from eating junk food! What happened to my goals? Why have I been such a slacker? I want this more than anything so why am I not doing everything I can to obtain it? I want to have control over my life! I want people to see something besides a fat girl. It is saddening and disappointing that even though I've gotten smaller people still see a fat girl. A friend was on the phone with his boss and was trying to get him to remember who I was. Nothing rang a bell until I was referred to as big Robin. Instantly he remembered who I was. It didn't offend me because its true, I'm big. What makes me sad is that is ALL that people see when they look at me. It is such a shallow world. I could be rich, brilliant, beautiful, or talented but all people will see is fat fat fat. I'm done with being fat.